Workplace romance is on the rise. Finding love at work is probably more natural than swiping through photos on a dating app. But there can be some unique challenges when your personal and professional lives overlap.
A recent US survey reports that at least 1 in 4 workers have been involved with someone at work, with younger workers being the most open to dating a co-worker.
If you spend long hours working toward shared goals with someone you have something in common with, it’s natural for feelings to develop. Studies on human psychology suggest that the more often we see a person, the more likely we are to be attracted to them.
What could go wrong?
Workplace romance has many of the same rewards and potential pitfalls as friendship in the workplace, but with higher stakes. For example, it might:
- Make the workplace awkward or uncomfortable, both for the people involved and for co-workers—especially if the relationship doesn’t work out.
- Lead to real or perceived conflicts of interest and favouritism.
- Lead to distraction and lost productivity.
- Damage your career or reputation if your behaviour is perceived as unprofessional.
- Cause you to lose or leave your job.
Whether you have a secret crush on a co-worker or you carpool to the office with your partner, it’s important to manage the situation carefully from the start.
Establishing consent
Let’s start with the obvious: A workplace relationship must be 100% consensual. Otherwise, it’s sexual harassment—and that’s not OK.
As the #MeToo movement brought to the world’s attention, sexual harassment is still far too common. According to a 2024 Statistics Canada report, almost half of women and nearly 1 out of 3 men say they have experienced inappropriate sexualized behaviour in the workplace.
Having clear consent is always important, but it’s especially critical if the people involved are at different levels of the organization, and in particular, if one reports to the other. When a power imbalance exists, the person of lower rank might feel pressured to participate in a romantic relationship. They might think it’s something they have to do to keep their position, to be promoted or assigned to good projects, or to please someone in a senior role. Pressure is not consent.
Knowing your company’s policy
In Canada, there are no laws against consensual workplace relationships. It’s up to employers to set a policy. Not all companies have a formal policy, but if your company does, you need to find out the details before you start a workplace romance.
Some company policies ban romantic or sexual relationships with co-workers, vendors, customers, or suppliers. Others focus on relationships between managers and direct reports. Many employers require workers to disclose a workplace romance to management or Human Resources.
If your company’s policy requires that you disclose and you don’t—and your employer can prove that the relationship interferes with the interests of the business—you could lose your job.
If you discover that co-workers are involved in relationship, the company policy may help you decide whether it’s your place to say anything to management or HR. You definitely should not spread gossip in the workplace.
Disclosing the relationship
If you begin a workplace romance and your company policy does not require you to tell anyone, should you report it anyway?
Even if you believe that your personal life is not your employer’s concern, it is often in everyone’s best interests to be open about the relationship. By disclosing the relationship to management or HR, you can protect both yourself and your romantic partner from future claims of sexual harassment or favouritism.
Again, this is particularly true if one person is in a more senior position. In these cases, you can work with HR and management to avoid potential conflicts of interest. For example, HR might transfer one party to a different supervisor, or ensure you’re not assigned to the same projects.
Managing co-workers’ responses
Although 75% of workers say they’re ok with colleagues being romantically involved, 40% still think workplace romances are unprofessional. It often depends on who’s in the relationship and what their perceived motives are.
Co-workers are more likely to see the risks (for example, favouritism or post-breakup fallout) than the people involved in the relationship themselves.
In the same way that telling management or HR about a relationship early on can avoid issues down the road, telling co-workers in person is usually better than letting them find out about it on their own. Being open and up front about your relationship tells people you have nothing to hide.
Make it clear to your colleagues that you do not discuss sensitive or confidential information with your romantic partner. Commit to that level of professionalism and make sure your partner does the same.
Keeping work and life separate
The most important thing to keep in mind is to maintain clear boundaries between your personal and professional relationship. Discuss this early in the relationship and agree on the rules you’ll both follow when you’re in work mode and in personal mode.
In the workplace, always behave as co-workers first. Avoid bringing public displays of affection or personal conflict to the office.
On the flip side, romantic partners who work together tend to agree that, for the sake of the relationship, work needs to stay at the work site. Avoid “talking shop” when you’re not on the clock.
Moving on gracefully
Breaking up is never easy. Since a romance with a co-worker affects both your professional and personal life, ending this kind of a relationship can be especially stressful.
Here are some pointers when dealing with a romantic breakup at work:
- Plan ahead. As part of your initial discussion about boundaries, specifically discuss how both of you will handle things if the relationship should end.
- Be aware of your responsibility to your colleagues. If people at work know about the relationship, you will also need to tell them about the breakup.
- Always behave professionally at work, whatever you may be feeling.
In the worst-case scenario, if you can’t remain professional and manage conflict proactively, or if continuing to work together proves too difficult, one of you may need to ask for a work transfer, or find employment elsewhere.